Monday, November 18, 2013

This is what it feels like to be a 45 year old man

I listen to Tupac, or at least I did today on the way home from work.  While listening, I had a daydream about writing my own rap song.  Then I remembered that I probably can't rap and that 45 year old white men probably shouldn't rap.  Then I reconsidered, thinking, why not?

I still don't listen to classical music or play golf, two things I've always associated with middle aged white men.

I still like sex, though I can go through longer periods of the day without thinking about it than when I was aged 13 through 44.  I'm pretty sure I'll always like sex, no matter how old I get.  Dirty old men get a bad rap...they're just regular men who got older.

I judge others less based on their religious views, political beliefs, quirks, conversational style and position in life.  This is a growth area for me.  In my 30's I got really worked up over political affiliation.  In my 40's I'm back to believing that people are people.

But I judge some more, particularly anyone who holds themselves up to be better than anyone else, is ridiculously shallow, or prides themselves on their ability to consume products and services.  Yes I'm talking about you stupid-guy-with-flashy-car-fancy-watch-and-overly-white-teeth.

I like to go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Why not?  I feel better the next day.

I don't know if God is real or not, but probably not.  I believe that there are things bigger than me that I don't understand, but I don't know that I'd label it as God.  Ironically, sometimes I still pray.

Only people matter.  Things are future garbage.

I know almost nothing. It would be great if I could say that after 45 years, I've got it all figured out.  But the truth is, I'm just a guy who knows a little, enough to live in our society, but not enough to be a guru, sage or preacher.  I'll tell you my opinion if you want, but I'll probably be wrong.  I'll tell the truth though---I'm not afraid to do that.  The older I get the more real I get.

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