Tuesday, December 31, 2013

7 tips on how NOT to be a Lonely Guy

I re-watched Steve Martin in The Lonely Guy not long ago.  It was disappointingly not as funny as I remembered, though still worth the watch.  But, WOW, does it remind me of all of the lonely guys I've known.  You know the type: the guy who never recovers from a bad relationship, or simply can't quite figure out how to have a relationship with a woman...even though he really wants one.

Why am I qualified to comment? Well, if nothing else, I know how to get into a relationship.  I'm on my fourth (and final if I can help it) marriage, and there weren't many gaps between marriages where I didn't have a girlfriend.  I may not know much about how to keep a woman...but I do know a bit about how to get things started.

1.  Let Her Go

Dude, she's gone.  I know you were so happy, so complete when you were with her.  But that was a long time ago (or maybe just last month).  She's not coming back.  Do you really need to stop bathing, grow a floor-length beard, or sell all of your furniture and move into a box?  Do you think your brooding, crying, self-loathing and woman-hating is making you more attractive to the opposite sex?

Hit the reset button.  She wasn't your soul mate like you thought.  She was just a woman and there are billions of others.  Take it from me, you can be happy again, but not until you Let Her Go.

2.  Don't let the world know you are jaded

Yeah, life sucks and then you die.  But it primarily sucks because you are latching on to the idea that it sucks.  You probably think your non-stop observations about life's obvious pains makes you witty and insightful.  Nope. It makes you come across as negative. How many women are looking for a man who can clearly articulate life's suckage?  

If you meet a woman who begs "Please tell me why life isn't worth living!  I was so hopeful before I met you.  Please do something---anything---to dash my dreams!" run the other way.

3.  Don't be pitiful out loud

This should be obvious.  If you are resorting to pity for attention, seek counseling.  I'm surprised at the number of guys who do this.  

4.  Don't pretend you're All That when you're not

If you are constantly telling everyone who will listen how awesome you are, you are not awesome.  You know it and so does everyone else.  Be confident, not stuck up.  Nobody likes a braggart. 

If you are truly awesome, you don't need this advice.  Women already flock to you.  Don't get down about the fact that you are not awesome---figure out how to become awesome.

5.  Quit feeling sorry for yourself

Even if you aren't telling everyone on facebook, it comes across when you are.  The only way to fix this is to really quit feeling sorry for yourself.  If you don't like the way your life is going, then change.

6.  Don't be hyper-focused on You

Are you your own favorite subject?  When you get around women, do you launch into conversation about your true love, yourself? No one is as interested in You as you are.  

People, including women, care about the people who take a genuine interest in them.  So you like a girl?  Then ask her questions about herself.  Be interested in her family, friends and hobbies.  Don't launch right into your life story.  Wait until she asks you about You.

7.  Be your own person and love who you are

It's really pretty simple.  You don't have to be rich or good looking to attract women.  You just have to embrace who you are, find a way to enjoy living, and love yourself.  Women are attracted to confidence.  Women are just people who want to be happy, and when you are happy, they want some of what you've got to offer.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Disco and Mint Green Suits

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Ever since the 5th grade, I've been a sucker for Disco and funky dance music.  I can't remember the name of my music teacher, but she turned us on to the Saturday Night Fever album.  It was during our study of Beethoven, and she was wisely trying to bring pop culture into the conversation in order to make the subject relatable.  The soundtrack contained a lively disco instrumental of Beethoven's Fifth, and it was pretty good, but I was really interested when she played a little bit of the other tracks.

Speaking of funky, Tarynn and I saw the funkiest old man as we were walking into Duffy's this morning.  He was walking in ahead of us, decked out in in mint green from hat to foot, the whole package wrapped up in a full length, white fur coat.  If I had to guess, I would say it was rabbit fur.  "Now that's pimp," I said to her.

I didn't want to stare but I really wanted to study the details, down to his belt.  "Maybe you should ask to take a picture with him," Tarynn suggested.  I would have liked to, but he was a older black gentleman and I didn't know how he would interpret it.  While it's true that he did look like the stereotypical pimp from the 70's movie Superfly, I was actually in awe and impressed by his personal sense of style.  I wanted to strike up a conversation, but what if he thought I was making fun of him?

While waiting in line to pay for our breakfast I decided to say hello.  I moseyed up to him.  He was sitting alone at a table for two, a plate of eggs and toast in front of him, his fork halfway to his mouth when I said, "How you doing?"  His eyes looked up, a bit startled I think.  Up close I could tell he was older than I initially thought, maybe 70 or 80 years of age.  "Hey, I wanted to tell you that I really like your mint green suit.  That's really sharp," I said.  He nodded to acknowledge me and I retreated awkwardly back to the pay line.

And that was it.